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Ultra-condensed Anime ^_-.
First, a disclaimer-y thing. This idea was initially from rinkworks.com, who do really cool ultra-condensed book and movie summaries. I definitely recommend visiting rinkworks.com, they've got loads of funny things. I especially like Computer Stupidities and "I Think" and the pinball tribute and the bad movie summaries. But I digress. ^_^.
Also, I didn't even come up with the idea of doing these for anime; that's Stephen, check out his site www.nysa. ^_^. Anyway, he posted the idea and some people replied and I have their permission to post their Ultra-Condensed Anime Summaries. So on with it. ^_^. The idea is that watching anime sometimes just takes too much time and effort. Why go to all that trouble when you can get the gist of an anime in just one minute? ^_-. Warning - there are spoilers on this page, as you would imagine. In particular, there are spoilers for Gundam Wing, Evangelion (and movie), Ayashi no Ceres, Love Hina... summaries that could be a spoiler at all (but probably aren't) are marked with a *, those that contain big spoilers with **.
Stephen:
Relena: Please come to my birthday party? Heero: I'll kill you. [He doesn't kill her.] THE END.
Frieza: "I am the most powerful being in the universe!" [Frieza goes "HRRRRNNNNGGGHHHHH!" for FIFTEEN EPISODES, then TRANSFORMS into his ULTIMATE FORM. He KILLS people.] Goku: "I will make you pay for what you have done!" [Goku goes "HRRRRNNNNGGGHHHHH!" for FIFTEEN EPISODES, then his HAIR goes BLOND and SPIKY. He DEFEATS Frieza.] Goku: "Whew, that was hard work. I'm hungry now." THE END.
Ryoko: "I love Tenchi." Ayeka: "I love being arrogant and snotty. And Tenchi." Washu: "I love experimenting on Tenchi." Sasami: "I love Ryo-ohki! And Tenchi." Ryo-ohki: "I love carrots." Mihoshi: "I like... no, I love... oh, heehee, this is so embarrassing... uhm... what was the question?" Tenchi: "*sigh*" THE END.
Team Rocket: "We're evil." [Team Rocket use POKEMON and NETS and PITS and MISSILES and GLUE and DISGUISES and RUBBER SUITS and HELICOPTERS and SUBMARINES and MECHANICAL RHYDON to capture Pikachu.] Ash: "You can't take Pikachu!" [Ash flukes a victory. Team Rocket BLAST OFF AGAIN.] Ash: "Hah! I am the greatest Pokemon master!" Misty: "No you're not." THE END.
Priss: "I really, really hate Voomers." Sylia: "I might be a Voomer." Nene: "Sylia! *bursts into tears*" THE END.
sassa:
Shinji: *cries* I'm terrible! Misato: Shinji, shut up and save the world! Shinji: No! *saves the world by accident* *cries*
Kensuke: Wow! Look at all these cool monsters! Gee, I can't believe I got this all on tape! NERV: *confiscates the tape* GAINAX: *confiscates the bit where everything gets explained at the end*
Lina: I am Lina Inverse, a female Robin Hood with issues about her... height! Goury: And I'm her sidekick! Rezo: I'm the mysterious Red Priest! Oh, and Zelgadis is evil! Zelgadis: I'm not evil, I'm just having a bad day. [they all KILL Rezo]
Alien race composed only of men: We hate women *kills some humans* Alien race composed only of women: We HATE men *kills more humans* [3.5 HOURS later, after getting her HEART broken, a young narcistic human girl SINGS in OUTER SPACE] Alien race: What beautiful music! We don't hate each other anymore! *stops killing humans*
Naga: Ahahahahahahahhaha! Lina: I am more powerful than I am in the series that takes place after this movie! Jellyfish: You will do what we say! Lina: No! Naga: Ahahahahahahahhaha! [they do, but then they stop the ELVES from DYING and it's all OK.] Naga: Ahahahahahahahhaha!
Shinji: I am a stupid whining baby. I will let myself die because I killed my only friend to save the world. Misato: Shinji, you have to save the world again, don't die! [EVERYONE except Shinji DIES] Shinji: I still don't want to save the world again. Yui's soul: You are a stupid whining baby, son. Stop that and save the world. [Shinji saves the world, but not until ALL of HUMANITY getys sucked into a GREAT BIG RED EYE] Humanity: Argh! Shinji: *gets humanity out again, largely by accident* Opps. [Shinji and Asuka are mysteriously crash-landed onto an alien planet] Asuka: Wow, I'm alive! Shinji: But now I shall strangle you, my only friend and companion! Asuka: Please don't. Shinji: Oh... okay.
Shinji: I'm a stupid whining baby. Gendou: Yes, you are. Asuka: Yes, you are. Rei: Yes, you are. Misato: Awww.. come on Shinji.. well.. yeah... okay... you are a bit... Kensuke: Wow, I can't believe I've got all this on tape! NERV: *confiscates the tape* [Shinji KILLS all the ANGELS come to destroy humanity, which are actually aliens who became ONE ENTITY] Shinji: This kinda sucks. Asuka: Dumkopf! Shinji: Hey! I'm not stupid anymore! I shall become a Better Person! All: Yay for you! *claps*
Alana:
Aya: Don't kill my brother, Ceres. Ceres: I understand. [Ceres KILLS Aya's brother.] THE END.
Utena: I want to be a prince! [Utena DUELS.] Anthy: You can do it, Utena! [Anthy gets SLAPPED.] THE END.
[Keitaro does SOMETHING STUPID. THE GIRLS beat him up. A TURTLE flies by.] Audience: Uh... THE END.
[MANJI gets CHOPPED UP in a battle. RIN puts him back together.] Manji: Hahahaa!! Rin: Shut up! THE END.
Leto (me ^_^.):
Sylia: Oh no! It's a rogue boomer! Nene: Priss and I'll take care of it, right Priss? Priss: Get out of my way. Lina: I'll do it myself! [Lina FAILS MISERABLY.] THE END Okay, not really. ^^;
Sana: Hayama Hayama Hayama Hayama why are you always being such a jerk you really piss me off I'm gonna totally get revenge on you I'll never forgive you for this how dare you make my school life a living hell gaaaaah Rei-kun how can I stop this blowhard I've totally had enough - [Hayama KISSES her. Sana SHUTS UP for three seconds.] THE END
Tai: Time for another day of meaningless hiking through the DIGITAL WORLD! Matt: Tai, you annoy me. Sora: Now guys. Izzy: The inverse square root of 276.8$%9325&%^@ is convexly proportional to the hypotenical syntactical hierarchy of electromagnetic flourescence... Joe: I think I'm coming down with something. Mimi: I want more clothes. TK: I'm cute. [EVIL Digimon attacks. Agumon SAVES everyone.] THE END
Usagi: I'm crybaby Usagi. I have no useful skills. Rei: You're very skilled at whining. Usagi: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Luna: Usagi, you must save the world! Usagi: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Okay. [Usagi transforms and defeats six armies of monsters, three evil queens, psychotics from the future, psychotics from the past, saves everyone's pure hearts, beautiful dreams and star seeds, learns about the importance of love, dreams and chocolate cake and most importantly, studies for high school exams.] Rei: Well, maybe I'm a little impressed. Usagi: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE END
Usagi: Mamo-chan, I love you. Mamoru: I love you too. Usagi: Promise me you'll never go away. Mamoru: I will never leave you. I will always protect you. [He leaves her.] Usagi: Oh, Mamo-chan, I forgive you, it wasn't your fault. I love you. Mamoru: I love you too. Usagi: Promise me you'll never go away. Mamoru: I will never leave you. I will always protect you. [He leaves her again. Repeat.] THE END
Misato: Let's save the world. Rei: Yes. Asuka: Only if I can show off and look cool. Shinji: I - I - I - I guess so. [The children pilot GIANT SENTIENT ROBOTS. Rei does WEIRD STUFF. The children and half the rest of the cast become very PSYCHOLOGICALLY DAMAGED. Many HORRIBLE THINGS happen.] Shinji: I have learned that all of life is a matter of perspective. [Earth blows up.] THE END
Sakura: Something is weird. Madison: Do you think it could be a Clow Card? [It is.] THE END
Treize: War is futile and meaningless. Zechs: War is the scourge of mankind. [They start a war.] THE END
Heero: I am the enigmatic and emotionally disturbed Heero Yuy. I will kill everyone. Relena: Heeeero! Heero: Relena, I'll kill you. Relena: Heero, your presence gives me strength! Duo: Shinigami's gonna kill you all! I wield the hand of death! Trowa: ... Quatre: I'm sad. Let's all work together. Please? Wufei: I have anger management problems. HAAAAAAAAAA! The right should be strong! HAAAAAAAA! Duo: Let's all go kick butt together. [They do.] THE END
Dorothy: I love war! War is so wonderful! Ohohoho! Quatre: You hate war. Dorothy: You're right, I do. [Dorothy STABS Quatre.] Quatre: You're very kind. Dorothy: You're right, I am. THE END
Keitaro: I'm going to fulfill the promise of 15 years ago by getting into Tokyo U. [Keitaro FAILS HORRIBLY.] Keitaro: I'll just have to try again next year. [Keitaro fails horribly AGAIN.] THE END
Narusegawa: I secretly love Keitaro. [Keitaro walks into the room.] Narusegawa: YOU! [Narusegawa punches Keitaro into SKYLINE.] THE END
Keitaro: Hi, I've come to be the manager of this dorm. Motoko: I don't want him here. [Motoko inflicts VIOLENCE upon Keitaro.] Narusegawa: I do want him here. [Narusegawa inflicts VIOLENCE upon Keitaro.] THE END
Keitaro: I wonder who was the girl I made the promise to 15 years ago? Otohime: Ara ara. Keitaro: Otohime-san, it was you? Otohime: Maybe. Narusegawa: Fine! Go and be happy with her! See if I care! [Several episodes pass. Keitaro is TORN and CONFUSED. Narusegawa is MISERABLE and UPSET. Otohime is FINE and DANDY.] Keitaro: Narusegawa, it's you I love. Otohime: I was just kidding about the promise thing. THE END
Relena: We should all pursue a peaceful future. Zechs: You're absolutely right, Relena. [Zechs shows his agreement with Relena by KILLING PEOPLE.] Treize: You're absolutely right, Relena. [Treize shows his agreement with Relena by KILLING PEOPLE.] Heero: You're absolutely right, Relena. [Heero shows his agreement with Relena by KILLING PEOPLE.] THE END
Ash: I'm gonna become the world's greatest Pokemon Master! [He does.] Misty: Now what? Ash: I'm gonna become the world's greatest Pokemon Master AGAIN! [The show lasts forever.] NOT THE END
Ash: I'm gonna become the world's greatest Pokemon Master! [Ash can't even remember what a Growlithe is.] THE END
Random Digimon: RAAAAAAH. Palmon: Don't worry, that Digimon is our FRIEND. Random Digimon: RAAAAAAH. [Random Digimon goes on MURDEROUS RAMPAGE.] Palmon: Oh. THE END
Davis: Come on, guys, let's kick butt! Yolei: I HATE THIS PLACE! I WANNA GO HOME! Cody: What is right? What is wrong? Are we doing the right thing? Kari: The light is calling to me... TK: I won't forgive evil. I won't forgive evil! Ken: (twitch) (twitch) Davis: Guys? GUYS? THE END
Takato: Guilmon! Guilmon! Guilmon! Guilmooon! [Guilmon goes MISSING. Takato CRIES.] Ruki: You're a weakling Digimon Tamer. [Takato CRIES.] Lee: Don't worry. Terriermon: Mou mantai! [Takato CRIES.] THE END All in fun. ^_-. Takato and Guilmon are my favourites. ^_^.
Ranma: You are so uncute. Akane: Ranma, you idiot! [Frying pans, perverted little men and giant spatulas.] THE END
Kenshin: Tomo. I'm. Sorry. Tomo: Why. Are. We. Talking. Like. This? Kenshin: Because. It's. A. Dub. THE END
Bad guy who hasn't got a chance: I'll kill you, Hitokiri Battousai! Kenshin: A sword is meant to protect people, not to hurt people. [Kenshin SERIOUSLY INJURES bad guy with his sword.] THE END
Kaoru: This guy is the strongest yet. Yahiko: Kenshin'll beat him! [Kenshin does.] THE END
[The series begins] Audience: I don’t get it. [The series ends] Audience: I still don’t get it. THE END
Vash: Hello, I'm Vash the Stampede! Meryl: I don't believe you. Milly: I do. [Vash travels from town to town and where ever he goes - buildings get DESTRYOED, towns get DESTROYED, cities get DESTROYED, space ships get DESTROYED, the fifth moon gets DESTROYED, lots of BAD THINGS happen and Vash gets BLAMED for EVERYTHING.] Vash: Oops. Meryl: I guess you really are Vash the Stampede. Milly: Told ya so. THE END
Aurora:
Bandai: We want to sell more model kits! Make a sequel! (Sunrise MAKES a sequel. Hajime Kotoki REDESIGNS gundams. Sequel is COOL. Fans REJOICE. Bandai SELLS kits) THE END
Goku: I'm overly confident we'll win! Everyone else: Uh...why? (Goku FIGHTS Cell. Cell DEFEATS Goku.) Goku: We're going to win! Fight him Gohan! Gohan: Why me? (Gohan FIGHTS Cell. Cell SEEMS to have the UPPERHAND. Cell KILLS Android 16. Gohan gets MAD. Gohan POWERS UP to SSJ2. Goku KILLS Cell and himself for NO REASON. Cell DOESN'T DIE. Gohan gets MAD. Gohan KILLS cell.) Everyone: Goku is our hero! THE END
Usagi: I want to be a normal human girl with boyfriends and stuff! Luna: Usagi! A monster is attacking that person RANDOM SENSHI NAME HERE met yesterday! (Random sampling of senshi TRANSFORM. They ARE GOING TO LOSE. Tuxedo Kamen THROWS a rose. RANDOM SENSHI NAME HERE gets a POWER UPGRADE. They ARE GOING TO WIN. Sailor Moon FINISHES OFF the MONSTER.) Everyone: Yeah! Now we can get back to the plot! THE END
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